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You’ve undoubtedly heard people tell you to “just be positive” or “look on the bright side!” And, while they may be well-meaning, anyone who has ever been caught off guard by a breakup, cared for an ailing family member, or been laid off from work will tell you that it’s often easier said than done.
But here’s the thing: being a positive individual may have less to do with always remaining positive and more to do with having a resilient (not to mention realistic) response. “The most helpful definition of positivity is having hope and confidence in one’s ability to deal with adversity, as well as remembering that nothing is all negative all of the time,”
Let’s define positivity as the ability to identify brighter takeaways or moments of relief from negative circumstances, which may impact not only your quality of life (studies have shown that optimistic people have better mental and physical health), but also your longevity. In fact, a 2019 study found that people with the highest levels of optimism had an 11 to 15% longer life span on average than those who practiced little positive thinking.
What’s better? If you’re prone to pessimistic thinking, don’t despair. There are numerous positive-thinking methods that can assist you in training your brain to have a more optimistic outlook. A variety of mental health specialists and psychologists were asked to share their best tactics for being more positive, from reciting a motivational affirmation to spending time outside and practicing gratitude—all of which may also make you happier, healthier, and more confident.
Self-affirmations can help you communicate with yourself.
According to Lee Phillips, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist, using self-affirmations can help you rewire your brain to feel more positive when you’re beating yourself up about a particular experience or circumstance.
“For example, some of these affirmations may sound like, ‘It’s okay if I’ve outgrown certain relationships in my life.'” It simply means that the changes and growth in our lives have led us in distinct directions,'” Phillips explains.
“I deserve to show up for myself and set a boundary when I am frustrated,” Phillips says; “I am doing the best I can right now”; and “I am human, and I will make mistakes.” It is how I react and move forward that matters”; “Rejection is difficult, but it simply means that something better is waiting for me”; and “I deserve to use my voice and speak up about the issues that are important to me.”
Choose a personal mantra and repeat it to become more optimistic and confident.
You can choose a mantra, similar to self-affirmations, to help define your perspective of yourself. “We’re often harsher on ourselves than we would be on anyone else,” says Erin Parisi, a certified mental health counselor in Orlando, Florida.
Yes, it may feel strange at first, but studies have shown that talking to yourself can influence your thoughts, feelings, and behavior—particularly if you speak to yourself in the second or third person (for example, “You can get through this” or “Jane can get through this” rather than “I can get through this”).
Try saying a personal mantra to yourself to start your day or when you’re feeling downhearted to make it more comfortable for you to do this. It might be a popular adage like “It is what it is” or “When one door closes, another one opens,” or it might be an affirmation of strength like “I’m allowed to take up space” or “I deserve to have joy in my life.” Or perhaps Oprah is motivated by the phrase, “‘Everything is always working out for me,'” Make that your motto, she said in a commencement address in 2019. Parisi continues, “Mantras can give you a tiny bit of relief and serve as a gentle reminder that even though things are bad now, they will get better.”
Aim to gain knowledge from your negative ideas.
Have you ever become mired in stress and anxiety? It’s possible that you overthink everything. Or perhaps your stomach is still in knots from that mediocre work show you gave last month. Rumination is a process in which we repeatedly review or analyze an upsetting event from the past or consider the likelihood of unpleasant circumstances in the future.
Turning your ruminations into practical problem-solving exercises is the first step. Instead of concentrating on the issue itself, pay attention to the answer.
When painful circumstances do occur, treat yourself with kindness.
There is one thing we can be certain of: You will undoubtedly experience some setbacks because living as a human on this world. When you do, Eckler advises giving yourself some leeway and allowing yourself to experience your feelings, whatever they may be.
In addition to being useless, trying to suppress your tension or grief can actually be harmful. Those who repressed their emotions had a higher chance of dying young, according to a 12-year study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester, while a 2017 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology came to the opposite conclusion: People may experience improved psychological health if they accept rather than criticize their mental experiences, in part because doing so makes them react to stressors with fewer negative emotions.
Start off talks by thinking positively.
Words have a significant impact on how you feel as well as how other people see you. According to Michelle Gielan, a researcher on happiness and the author of the book Broadcasting Happiness, verbal communication is one of the main ways we transfer stress. Therefore, beginning a discussion with something encouraging can create a more upbeat atmosphere. When someone at work asks you how you are, for instance, try responding with something humorous like, “I just had the greatest turkey and avocado sandwich for lunch. Instead of saying, “I’m so stressed and busy,” ask how your day is going. This will inevitably move the conversation—and your thoughts—to a happier spot.